dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
