So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
