we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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