Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
