She is in my trunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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