So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
