why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
