I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
