She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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