i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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