So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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