Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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