In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
