Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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