Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
