theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
