I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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