Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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