I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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