Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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