margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
