that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How drunk are you?
Completed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
