I think im going to throw up on grandma
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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