i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He shit in the fireplace
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
