He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
