I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize