We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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