does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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