I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
