I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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