I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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