i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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