The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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