she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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