halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
