That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
