Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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