Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
