She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
