You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
