That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
