i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
