May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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