break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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