Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
