Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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