And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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