My room smells like vodka and shame
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
