There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
