That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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