Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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