Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
