she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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