She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
