just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize