i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
