There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
