I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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