You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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