Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize