can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this just has baby written all over it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
