I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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