even my farts smell like vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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