I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
