just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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