The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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