The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
