STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
